Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
