Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
