Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
