He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
