So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
