I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
