he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
