I can tuck mytits in my pants
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
