Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
