He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
