you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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