I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
