Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
