When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
