Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Your cock deserves a montage
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
