their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
