you guys were way drunker than both of me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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