so explain again why im purple
no
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
