She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
