and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
