it was like eating out sand paper
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I have fence marks all over my body
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
