It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
