Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
