I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize