the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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