i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
