I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
