There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
