Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
