this boner is exhausting
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
