Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
