Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
