Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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