apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize