yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
