I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
