she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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