my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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