I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
