I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize