Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
