Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
