Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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