Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
either way he was missing a nipple.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
