ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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