Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
