i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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