Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My vagina just recognized that song.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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