he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
