stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
