I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
