do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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