Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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