end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
