Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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