i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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