I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
