someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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