I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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