Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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