hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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